The Swim Chronicle: Issue #17 - Helping Your Young Swimmer Thrive: Setting Realistic Expectations for Success

TLDR: Setting realistic expectations for your young swimmer involves understanding their current abilities, focusing on process goals, celebrating small progress, avoiding comparisons, being patient, and valuing effort over outcomes. This helps create a supportive environment where they can thrive and enjoy the journey of becoming the best version of themselves. When it comes to supporting your young swimmer, setting realistic expectations is crucial for their development, both in and out of the pool. As parents, it's natural to want to see your child excel and reach new heights. However, it's equally important to ensure that the goals set are achievable, motivating, and do not create undue pressure.

In my years as a coach—working with hundreds of young swimmers in one of the best swim schools in Singapore—I’ve seen how transformative realistic, well-supported expectations can be. Swimming isn’t just about the fast lanes; it’s about growth, discipline, and confidence.

Understanding Where They Are

One of the most important steps in setting realistic expectations is understanding your child's current abilities. Every swimmer has a unique journey, and progress can vary greatly from one athlete to another. I remember one young swimmer I coached, a 10-year-old who was determined to hit the qualifying times for the SNAG. While many of their peers seemed to hit the qualifying times effortlessly, this swimmer faced several setbacks. But what made the difference was their resilience—the willingness to keep showing up, put in the work, and focus on each practice.

When I was young and just starting out in swimming, I struggled to hit a basic 50m kick timing target. I was so frustrated—but my coach reminded me, "It's not about how fast they go; it's about how much you're improving." That lesson stayed with me and is one I share often at my swim clinics in Singapore, where we focus on swimming stroke improvement step by step.

Take note of where your child stands right now: their current times, their strengths, and the areas they’re working on. Realistic expectations come from knowing where your swimmer is today, so you can effectively guide them toward where they could be tomorrow. The key is celebrating personal improvement rather than focusing solely on benchmarks or podium finishes. I’ve seen firsthand how powerful it can be when parents genuinely recognize their child's progress, regardless of how small it may seem.

Focus on Process Goals Instead of Outcome Goals

A major part of managing expectations is focusing on process goals rather than outcome goals. Outcome goals, such as winning a medal or qualifying for a particular event, can often lead to disappointment if they aren’t achieved—even if your child gave their best effort. Instead, process goals are about mastering a technique, improving stamina, or simply showing up with a positive attitude.

I remember working with a 10-year-old swimmer who was always fixated on winning races. The pressure they put on themselves was visible, and it started to affect their love for swimming. We shifted the focus to process goals—like improving their underwater kicks or maintaining form in the last 15 meters of a race. Slowly, their anxiety about placing started to diminish, and they began to enjoy racing again.

I faced something similar during my competitive years. I used to put so much pressure on myself to win that I forgot why I loved swimming in the first place. One season, my coach encouraged me to focus on smaller, actionable goals—like improving my streamline off every wall or holding my technique through the last stretch of the race. Focusing on these smaller aspects helped me find joy in the details and made me a better swimmer overall.

Encourage your swimmer to set small, measurable goals that are within their control. For example, improving their streamline off the wall, keeping a consistent breathing pattern during freestyle, or focusing on powerful dolphin kicks. These kinds of goals give them something tangible to work towards, regardless of where they place in a race.

Recognize Progress, No Matter How Small

Progress isn’t always about dropping significant time in a race or moving up to the next level. It’s also about the small wins: perfecting that flip turn, mastering the kick for breaststroke, or having the stamina to finish a tough set without extra breaks. I remember a 9-year-old swimmer who finally nailed a flip turn after weeks of practice. The joy on their face was incredible—it wasn't about winning, but about overcoming a personal challenge. Recognize these victories and make them part of the family conversation. Acknowledging the little things helps your child stay motivated and reminds them that improvement is ongoing.

I remember the first time I managed to do a decent backstroke start without flopping. I had been practicing it for weeks, and it felt like I would never get it right. When it finally clicked, it felt like the biggest victory in the world. It wasn't about winning a race, but about mastering something that had felt impossible. Celebrate these moments with your child—those small breakthroughs are what build confidence and resilience over time.

Avoid the Comparison Trap

It’s easy to fall into the comparison trap, especially when your child trains alongside other talented swimmers. But comparing your swimmer’s progress to their teammates or other competitors can be harmful and demotivating. I’ve seen parents, out of the best intentions, inadvertently put pressure on their kids by pointing out another swimmer’s faster times or quicker progress. It’s important to remember that every athlete’s journey is different, and each one progresses at their own pace. Encourage your swimmer to focus on their personal growth rather than comparing themselves to others.

When I was younger, I used to get discouraged when I saw others progressing faster than me. I remember one meet where I was particularly disheartened because a teammate had qualified for a major competition, and I hadn’t. My coach sat me down and reminded me that everyone has different strengths, and that my journey was uniquely mine. Over time, I learned to appreciate my own progress—like when I finally got my breaststroke timing right after months of struggling. These experiences taught me that the comparison game only steals the joy of personal growth.

One young swimmer I coached, an 11-year-old, struggled with feeling left behind because their teammate had qualified for a higher-level meet. We talked about how everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, and I encouraged them to focus on their own improvements. Over time, they began to see their own progress—like finally mastering a consistent breaststroke rhythm—and started to feel proud of their own achievements. When expectations come from a place of comparison, it can lead to feelings of frustration and inadequacy—not just for the swimmer, but for parents as well. Instead, build a narrative that values consistent effort, the pursuit of personal bests, and the unique strengths that your child brings to the pool.

Balance Support with Patience

Swimming is a sport that requires consistent training, hard work, and most importantly, time. Improvements may not always be immediate, and that's okay. I’ve coached swimmers who seemed to be stuck at a plateau for months. One 10-year-old swimmer, for example, had trouble dropping time in the 50-meter freestyle. It felt like nothing was changing—until suddenly, all that effort clicked, and they dropped over a second in one meet. Be patient with your swimmer as they work through challenges, both physical and mental. The journey in swimming isn’t always a linear one—there are ups and downs, plateaus, and breakthroughs.

I experienced my fair share of plateaus as well. There were seasons when I felt like no matter how hard I worked, I wasn’t getting any faster. It was frustrating, and I often questioned if I was doing something wrong. But eventually, the breakthrough came—and it was all the more rewarding because of the struggle that preceded it. These moments taught me that patience and consistency are key. By balancing support with patience, you create an environment where your child feels encouraged to take on new challenges without the fear of failure. It’s important that they understand setbacks are a normal part of the journey and that you’re there to help them grow through each experience. The parents who embrace the journey, rather than focusing only on the results, often have the most resilient and motivated young swimmers.

Celebrate the Effort

Finally, make sure to celebrate the effort your child puts into their swimming, regardless of the outcome. Showing up early for morning practice, giving their all in a tough workout, or even maintaining a positive attitude on a hard day—these efforts are worth acknowledging. I remember a swimmer who always struggled with early morning practices but made a commitment to stop complaining and just get it done. They were only 8 years old, but that shift in attitude was a victory in itself. It may not have shown up in the race results right away, but the growth in discipline and resilience was undeniable.

I remember my own struggles with early mornings. Waking up before dawn to dive into a cold pool was never easy, but over time, it became a badge of honor. The effort I put into those early practices, even on the days when I didn’t feel like it, made all the difference in my journey as a swimmer. When the emphasis is placed on hard work and persistence, young swimmers learn that success is built on the foundation of consistent effort.

The Bottom Line

Setting realistic expectations is about helping your swimmer enjoy the process of becoming the best version of themselves. It’s about supporting them in ways that build confidence, foster resilience, and help them find fulfillment through effort and progress.

And if you’re looking for guidance on how to support your swimmer through that journey, I can help.

Coach Danny Yeo offers:

• Swim Clinics in Singapore focused on skill-building, technical refinement, and mindset development

• Goal-Setting Workshops to help swimmers and parents align on realistic goals and game plans

• Personalized Stroke Correction Sessions for swimmers who need extra support with technique and form

• 
  

Discover why so many call Danny one of the best swimming coaches in Singapore—and how a tailored approach can help your swimmer thrive. Till the next one! Coach Danny