The Swim Chronicle: Issue #14 - Turning Setbacks into Comebacks: How to Help Your Young Swimmer Handle Disappointment with Positivity

TLDR: Disappointment is a natural part of competitive swimming, but how your young swimmer handles setbacks can make all the difference. By fostering a positive perspective, encouraging reflection, and celebrating the lessons learned, parents can help their swimmer bounce back stronger and more resilient than ever.

In competitive swimming, disappointments are inevitable—whether it's missing a qualifying time, placing lower than expected, or struggling through a tough practice. For young swimmers, these moments can feel overwhelming. As parents, you play a key role in helping your child navigate these setbacks, turning disappointment into an opportunity for growth.

Embrace the Feeling

The first step in handling disappointment is to acknowledge it. When your swimmer comes out of the pool feeling disheartened, it's important to let them know that it's okay to feel this way. Disappointment is a natural human response, and validating your child's feelings shows that it's okay to express emotions.

When I was younger, I vividly remember the sting of missing a major qualification time by mere milliseconds. My parents didn't immediately jump to "It's okay," or "You did great anyway." Instead, they let me be upset. They gave me space to feel disappointed before they gently reminded me that it was just one race in a much larger journey. By allowing your swimmer to feel their emotions without trying to immediately fix them, you’re showing them that it’s okay to be vulnerable and that every athlete has moments like these.

Focus on the Positive Lessons

Once the initial emotions have settled, it’s time to shift the focus towards positivity and growth. Encourage your swimmer to reflect on what they learned from the experience. Maybe they discovered that their start needs improvement, or perhaps they learned how important it is to stay calm under pressure. Every setback is an opportunity to learn and improve.

I recall coaching a swimmer who, despite all their preparation, ended up disqualified for an early start during a big meet. They were crushed, and it was hard for them to see beyond that moment. But after taking some time to reflect, they realized how their nerves had gotten the best of them. We worked together on pre-race relaxation techniques and mental focus, and the next time they competed, they not only avoided disqualification but also achieved a personal best.

Help your swimmer see that every race, win or lose, is part of their story. Emphasize that growth comes from challenges, and setbacks are often where the biggest breakthroughs happen.

Shift the Focus to Effort

Competitive swimming often measures success in seconds and placements, which can make it easy for young athletes to feel like their worth is tied to results. One of the best ways to handle disappointment is to refocus the emphasis from the outcome to the effort they put in. Did they try their best? Did they stay focused during their race? Did they overcome nerves?

I remember a time when one of my swimmers finished last in a race, but it was the best performance I’d ever seen from them. They’d worked hard in practice, executed every turn perfectly, and had given everything they had in that race. The result didn’t matter—the effort did, and we celebrated that. By celebrating the effort rather than the outcome, you’re teaching your swimmer to find satisfaction in giving their best, regardless of the numbers on the scoreboard.

Set New Goals Together

After experiencing a disappointment, setting new, achievable goals can help your swimmer regain focus and motivation. These goals don’t have to be huge—they can be small, incremental steps that keep them moving forward. Perhaps it’s improving a specific part of their stroke, mastering a turn, or simply enjoying the process without putting too much pressure on themselves.

When I was trying to overcome my own disappointments as a young swimmer, my coach would always encourage me to set a small goal for my next race or practice. It made me realize that setbacks didn’t define me; they were just opportunities to grow and improve. Help your child focus on what’s next, and remind them that each race is just one part of a much larger journey.

The Bottom Line

Disappointment is part of the journey in competitive swimming, but with the right mindset, it can become a powerful tool for growth. By allowing your swimmer to embrace their emotions, helping them find the positive lessons in setbacks, shifting the focus to effort, and setting new goals, you can help them bounce back with resilience and confidence. Every setback is a chance to build character and become a stronger athlete—both in the pool and in life.

If you’re looking for extra guidance in helping your swimmer build resilience and turn setbacks into opportunities, Coach Danny Yeo offers personalized swim clinics and mindset coaching workshops to help young athletes develop the mental tools they need to thrive.

Till the next one! Coach Danny Yeo